Life Fight
by kenihiko
Summary: Rukia has a talk with her captain after her return from Hueco Mundo, about her fight with the Ninth Espada (Kaien)


**A/N:** Bleach and all characters belong to Tite Kubo. Unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine alone.

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Life Fight

Healing was always a long tiring road. By this time in his life Juushiro Ukitake was use to long convalescences but that didn't make the boredom any easier to bear.

Of course Shunsui was there... a lot, to keep him company. He was there so much that he was now use to seeing Nanao as well. She brought some delicious treats and wonderful books to read. At least he was entertained.

But even with all the visitors and things he occupied himself with he was still bored. Rukia seemed to be making a conscious decision to avoid him since her return from Hueco Mundo. He had read the reports and could understand why, but did she think he was upset or something?

At the moment he was sleeping lightly, the sound of an occasional page turning or a muffled snort of laughter came from the lounging figure nearby as Shunsui was 'keeping him company' yet again. The man's resting reiatsu was so familiar and comforting. When there was a slight shifting in the power Ukitake became more alert. Soon there was a knock at the door. Shunsui answered it, had a few words with the person outside, then stepped aside.

The tiny figure of Rukia Kuchiki entered the room and immediately dropped to her knees. "I'm so so sorry Taicho."

Shunsui helped Ukitake sit up and they exchanged a few glances. The tall brunet left the room with a bow, "Looks like I need to get some paperwork done."

"I didn't mean to chase.. I... umm" Rukia stammered.

"Rukia, It's fine." He patted a spot beside his sleeping mat. "Would you like some tea?"

"Um no thank you Taicho." she bobbed her head several times.

"What's on your mind, you seem troubled." Juushiro picked up his own cup of tea; it was cold but he sipped it anyway. "You had quite the adventure in Hueco Mundo. I'm proud of how bravely you fought. You'd make any captain proud."

She blushed and fidgeted with her uniform. "Sir."

"Ah of course, continue with your report Kuchiki." She nodded. It made it simpler that he had given her an order.

She explained how they encountered Kurosaki and the child arrancar Nel and all the various battles around Las Noches. She began to fiddle with her uniform more and more as she approached the part with her fight with the Noveno Espada.

"I... sir...it was Kaien. That Espada had Kaien's face, his voice, his memories," she choked up a bit. "Everything! It was like I was talking to him on a normal day. Everything was back to the way it should be. He was joking and then he tried to kill me me."

"It seemed like the right thing to do. He was right, I should die by his hand, I had killed him after all."

"Rukia!" Ukitake murmured softly.

"I honestly thought I should die as long as it was Kaien, but I really wanted to rescue Orihime first. I just couldn't give up right there and then." She took a big breath, "So I fought as hard as I could, even though my sword broke and ... and I was pierced by Nejibana." Rukia swiped at a few stray tears, "On survival instinct alone, I won. I don't feel good about though."

"I killed Kaien Shiba all over again." her hands were trembling as she fought back the tears. It was hard for her to show emotions like this.

"Ah Rukia," Juushiro's hand rested on one of the trembling hands. "You did what was necessary to do. No one, especially not me, can fault you for wanting to stay alive and winning your fight."

"T-taicho." Her entire body was shaking. "...the guilt?"

"Look at me." He commanded softly. She raised her head and rubbed at her eyes a little. "You did what you had to do. That first time, not only were you following my orders but Kaien's wishes. Do you really think he would have wanted to die as a hollow?" She shook her head. "From what I remember he fell on your sword while he was still mostly human, he was able to maintain his human pride by dying as a man and not a monster. And to have a beloved friend do the deed would be a glorious way to go."

Rukia blinked at him, her shock was obvious. "I'm not sure I understand. sir."

"If I were to turn into a hollow I'd want my best friend or someone close to me release me from that horror. To leave that in the hands of a stranger or an enemy just feels wrong. Even though it would probably have the same outcome. I'd rather have that cleansing done by one I hold dear."

"But don't you think that would hurt them too much?"

"I'm sure it would. As much as my having to cleans them would hurt me. But it's still a matter of pride. Pride as a man, pride as a human, and most importantly pride as shinigami. I don't think I could handle the idea of being devoured by more and more hollows to become what Kaien finally became."

"I'm still trying to understand that. But pride is such a strange thing."

"Indeed it is." Juushiro nodded. "Really Rukia, I think you acted appropriately. No one should judge you for it. Least of all you. Just think of all the pain Kaien no longer has to go through."

"I guess that's true." Her face twisted into a grimace. "But it still hurts here." she patted her chest over her heart.

"I understand, and it probably will for awhile. But you can not let it consume you. Kaien would want you to move forward and be happy." Ukitake smiled, then he rubbed the back of his neck and gave a chastened grin. "I think that applies to myself. I've been blaming myself for a long time too." He inhaled deeply. "I think we both have some thinking to do." He grinned at her. "I think it's about time to think about filling that open lieutenant's position, I've been punishing myself for that."

"Taicho... are you sure?" He nodded. "Do you have anyone in mind?"

"I do."

"I'll take my leave then, so you can gather your thoughts." Rukia began to stand. Juushiro reached out to stop her.

"Please think about what I said. Don't beat yourself up anymore over this please. Kaien wouldn't want that." She nodded and finally made her exit.

Shunsui swept back into the room.

"Were you out there the whole time?"

"Of course not. I even brought a note from the lovely Nanao-chan as proof." Shunsui grinned. "I just have impeccable timing."

"You always have."

"Nanao sent this." Kyoraku held out a book on bonsai, "She said you might find it interesting."

"Oh!" Juushiro thumbed through it eagerly. "There's some good tips here."

"Soo, do you think she's ready to be your lieutenant?"

"Nanao? Isn't she your lieutenant?" Juushiro attempted to grin innocently at his friend.

"Juushiro." Shunsui laughed.

"She'll need some training and a lot of convincing but, yes I think she's basically ready."

"It's been a long time my friend." Shunsui folded himself into a comfortable seated position. "You've both beaten yourselves up way too long about that whole incident."

"Like you about Lisa?" Ukitake poked a pink covered shoulder.

"Oh hush." Kyoraku poked his shoulder back. "Did I tell you I saw her?"

"Several times." Juushiro laughed. "You're getting old my friend."

Shunsui pouted at him, "I thought we were talking about you and making Rukia your lieutenant, not me getting old... which you're right there with me by the way."

"Right Rukia... " he decided he was going to ignore the tantrum. "The worst part is going to be Byakuya."

"Play the pity card. Call him to your bed side and make the request while you're down and mostly helpless. How could he possibly refuse you. It'd wound his much vaunted pride."

"I don't like underhanded tricks."

Shunsui shook his head. "You're too good and pure for your own good sometimes."

"You know that's not true." There was an angry flush creeping up Ukitake's cheeks. "But just this once ... and only because it's really hard to do otherwise, I will have Byakuya here but I will be up front about it."

"Of course."

Ukitake's head snapped upward when there was a knock on his door. "You didn't." He glared at Kyoraku.

"How could I?"

"Are you free Ukitake, Juushiro or should I return at another time?" Byakuya Kuchiki's voice called out.

"I'm free, please come in."

The captain of squad six and heir to the Kuchiki clan entered the room, bowed to both men and settled into a formal kneeling position.

"I think I'll just be on my way. You two have a lot to talk about." Kyoraku nodded a quick bow and made his way out the door.

Juushiro and Byakuya spoke into the wee hours of the night.

After resting several days and allowing his injuries to heal more Juushiro finally called his squad together and announced that a new lieutenant had been chosen. When her name was called Rukia Kuchiki tried to deny that she was qualified until her brother appeared and added his assurance. Lieutenants from the other squads welcomed her to their ranks.

Juushiro could have sworn he felt Kaien's presence reassuring him that this was the right decision.


End file.
